This page is for the ordinary hard moments between our sessions. If either of you feels unsafe, please reach out now:
Call or text 988 — the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (24/7).
Text HOME to 741741 — the Crisis Text Line.
If you ever feel afraid of your partner or unsafe at home: the National Domestic Violence Hotline — call 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Free, confidential, 24/7.
Call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room if anyone is in immediate danger.
To reach me directly: 919-891-0937 — call or text
Between Sessions · Together
A few things to try together, when I'm not in the room.
No need to read it all. Find where the two of you are right now, and take one small step toward each other. You can come back any time.
What's happening between you right now?
This page is a between-session support, not a substitute for our work together or for emergency care.
Steadying it together
Take the heat down before you sort it out.
When you're both flooded, nothing useful gets decided. You can't problem-solve your way out of a moment like this — you can only lower the temperature first. Drop anchor together, then offer one small repair.
Breathe together. Follow the circle.
A repair to offer — out loud, and mean it
Tap below for something to say.
There's the thing you're fighting about, and then there's the fight about the fight. You can put the second one down any time.
Turning back toward each other
Connection is built in singles, not home runs.
You don't close a distance with one grand gesture. You close it with small bids — a touch, a question, a shared joke — and by turning toward the ones your partner offers you. Teammates, not opponents.
Don't just think it — say it. Out loud, today:
One of these a day builds what the research calls a culture of appreciation — the quiet floor a relationship stands on.
Now watch for their next bid — the small "hey, look at this." Turning toward it is the whole game.
The fight that keeps coming back
Some problems don't get solved. They get handled — together.
Most recurring fights aren't problems to win; they're differences to manage. The goal isn't to come out on top. It's to get on the same side of the thing. And how you start almost decides how it ends — start soft, and you reach somewhere you can't get to by starting hard.
Try opening with this — gently, and without the "you always":
When you catch yourself narrating why they did it, ask not "is my story true?" but "is this story helping us?"
When life presses on you both
Face it as a team, not as two people facing off.
Hard things — loss, stress, a frightening diagnosis — pull couples apart at exactly the moment they most need each other. The move is to meet in the feeling first, before any plan. Sit in it together for a minute. Then look forward, side by side.
Let that be the compass for the next small choice — not "who's right," but "does this move us toward that?"
Picture the two of you on the far side of this, looking back. What would make you proud of how you carried each other?
Growing the good
Good relationships are kept good on purpose.
When things are steady, it's tempting to coast. But the strongest couples keep investing in the good — celebrating each other's wins, naming what they're grateful for, choosing a direction on purpose.
Bring it to your partner with real interest — turn toward the good news, don't just nod at it:
Then ask them to tell you more. Celebrating the good together does as much for a couple as weathering the bad.
Pick one word for the kind of "us" you're building this season. Come back to it.
